mark and grace practicing their ABCs

Year 8 Girls

Katie and Me

Sarai taking after her Peace Corps Sister

Love you girl....missing you

Pig Brains

Today I tried pig brains

it wasnt very good

It tasted like dead pig

But i never thought it would

Gooey and mushy, it feels like slime

Eating this stuff should be a crime

So if you want to try this disgusting dish

I tried to warn you but do as you wish

But i must tell you and its not very kind

If you eat pig brains your out of your mind

 

(based on true events)

Bigger than Me



PC Samoa <3 Girl Scouts



“If you are currently serving as a Peace Corps Volunteer, please stand”

We were the last people to celebrate 4^th of July in the world. It was a beautiful gathering of fellow Peace Corps volunteers, returned volunteers, PC staff, Embassy members, Ex-pats, and people from the Samoan government and community. All who are, once were, working for or befriended by a Peace Corps volunteer in their lifetime. We were not only there to celebrate US independence, but also the 50^th anniversary of Peace Corps. At the beginning of the program fellow PCV and MC of the night, Blakey, said the twelve words that gave me chills and filled me with pride.

“If you are currently serving as a Peace Corps Volunteer, please stand”

Everyone was watching us, beaming with bright eyes and smiles. Not just Americans either. They were happy we were there, they were proud of us, and they were thankful for us. As silly as it sounds our group looked around at each other, and shot smiles back and forth. It was a rough month, a lot of questioning and insecurity. This was the night we needed. It reminded us of who we are and why we are here. When the returned volunteers stood up, some volunteers who served over twenty years ago, I realized that this experience is about being a part of something way bigger than just me and group 83. It’s about being part of Peace Corps Samoa.  It’s a special group of people who I will forever have a connection with, even if I have never met them. Talking with old volunteers gave me the courage I need to make it through to the end and it wasn’t sugar-coated. I know it will be hard until the very last day. But who joins the Peace Corps to have an easy life? I kind of asked for this didn’t I?



The night not only boasted on the PC but as well as our motherland. Red White and Blue was everywhere. An orchestra of Samoan children and PCVs played throughout the night. We sang the national anthem, which made me want to be at a Rays game. There was festive cake and cupcakes. We ended the night dancing around the yard like fairies with sparklers in our hands singing the National Anthem one more time. For just one night we were able to completely be the thing we are most proud of, Americans.

Lopati and Danny



Often this experience is compared to a rollercoaster ride. When I meet with other volunteers a common questions is “where are you on the rollercoaster?”I think you are able to see that through my blogs. Last month I wanted to get off the ride. Now I’m shouting with my hands in the air ready for more.

Peace and Love

  

Me and Supy

My Biggest Fear

When I joined the Peace Corps I had many different expectations. I thought I would be working with the poorest of the poor, living in a hut made of mud and sticks, no running water, and let’s just say I never thought I would have the luxury of a flushing toilet. Emotionally, I thought that I would be dealing with the feelings of inadequacy of myself and contributions. I feared that I would never be able to give the people enough or what they deserved. I was prepared as I could be for everything above. I was ready to rough it. I was ready to be torn apart but only to build myself back up to another person. I was going to come out of this experience a new person.

So I am going to be honest, and I warn you it does not shine the best light on me. I think you will find my current state interesting and a different perspective; one I definitely never saw coming.

Impassion: My best semester in college was my internship. I was so passionate about teaching and my students. I dedicated all my time. I love it. Even when I did my practicum teaching in my training village I felt like I was on fire, I love every minute of it. When I first arrived at my site I was so excited to teach and bring new ideas and methods to the school. I was so excited to see the students each day. Since term two rolled around I feel like I just go through the motions every day. I still put in as much work as I did before however I think you could notice the decrease in my enthusiasm. I don’t want to do anything else that may be different because the next thing will be “what else can you do”.

Unappreciated: Now this culture is amazing and I receive more respect than imaginable. I don’t blame the people on why I feel this way. It’s part of their culture and a difference between ours and theirs. I guess this is part of a fear I had before coming here; the whole I would never be able to give the people enough. I feel that way but only because I am always asked for more. I would be okay if I was asked for help on lesson plans and teaching methods. But at times it’s “more things” that are wanted and are not realistic in the situation. I am finding out a lot of what I am capable of, but my main goal is to get the teachers to realize what they are capable of. I want people to want to do instead of me just doing.

            Unhappiness: This is something I have been working on and almost overcome. I knew I would be struggling and unhappy at times, but again not for the reasons I thought. Mainly I am unhappy for feeling the two things above. I hate that I feel that way. I also think that it stems from giving up yourself when you come here. When you arrive the village you want to be the perfect Peace Corps. You give up lots of parts of yourself to be culturally appropriate. There is a fine line though, can’t forget who you are.

Burnt Out: This is a correlation of all the words above. It’s just discouraging considering I am only 9 months in.

            As a volunteer we have specific goals. No volunteer is in their site to find a way to get a bunch of money. Ultimately we work with counterparts and an organization and teach those ways to receive aid, set realistic goals, and run a successful and effective program. We need the groups of people we work with to be sustainable on their own once we leave. It’s a tough battle especially when the people you work with may have different ideas, goals and priorities. For example; I think desks for student might be more important than VIP toilets.

What feeling does almost every Peace Corps dread the most?

            Wanting to go home

How do I cope with this?

Focus. I went back and rewrote my goals for my term here. You have to take the pressure of yourself. Big or small; a change is a change. I am finding my way back to a balance. I do things that I need for me. This experience is such a selfless sacrifice but you are useless if you’re unhappy. Remember the past and planning for the future can be exhausting. You can’t compare this time to what was and what will be. You will only find yourself in a situation of missing and wanting.

Even though I have been feeling like I want to go home I know it’s not a option for me. Everything I have been going through is all part of the journey. I knew that I was signing up for a two year commitment. But I get it; I see the reason why so many people go back.

So here it is… my biggest fear. When all is said and done…

Did I give up my happiness to stay instead of giving up my pride to go home?

Peace and Love