mark and grace practicing their ABCs

Year 8 Girls

Katie and Me

Sarai taking after her Peace Corps Sister

Love you girl....missing you

Pig Brains

Today I tried pig brains

it wasnt very good

It tasted like dead pig

But i never thought it would

Gooey and mushy, it feels like slime

Eating this stuff should be a crime

So if you want to try this disgusting dish

I tried to warn you but do as you wish

But i must tell you and its not very kind

If you eat pig brains your out of your mind

 

(based on true events)

Bigger than Me



PC Samoa <3 Girl Scouts



“If you are currently serving as a Peace Corps Volunteer, please stand”

We were the last people to celebrate 4^th of July in the world. It was a beautiful gathering of fellow Peace Corps volunteers, returned volunteers, PC staff, Embassy members, Ex-pats, and people from the Samoan government and community. All who are, once were, working for or befriended by a Peace Corps volunteer in their lifetime. We were not only there to celebrate US independence, but also the 50^th anniversary of Peace Corps. At the beginning of the program fellow PCV and MC of the night, Blakey, said the twelve words that gave me chills and filled me with pride.

“If you are currently serving as a Peace Corps Volunteer, please stand”

Everyone was watching us, beaming with bright eyes and smiles. Not just Americans either. They were happy we were there, they were proud of us, and they were thankful for us. As silly as it sounds our group looked around at each other, and shot smiles back and forth. It was a rough month, a lot of questioning and insecurity. This was the night we needed. It reminded us of who we are and why we are here. When the returned volunteers stood up, some volunteers who served over twenty years ago, I realized that this experience is about being a part of something way bigger than just me and group 83. It’s about being part of Peace Corps Samoa.  It’s a special group of people who I will forever have a connection with, even if I have never met them. Talking with old volunteers gave me the courage I need to make it through to the end and it wasn’t sugar-coated. I know it will be hard until the very last day. But who joins the Peace Corps to have an easy life? I kind of asked for this didn’t I?



The night not only boasted on the PC but as well as our motherland. Red White and Blue was everywhere. An orchestra of Samoan children and PCVs played throughout the night. We sang the national anthem, which made me want to be at a Rays game. There was festive cake and cupcakes. We ended the night dancing around the yard like fairies with sparklers in our hands singing the National Anthem one more time. For just one night we were able to completely be the thing we are most proud of, Americans.

Lopati and Danny



Often this experience is compared to a rollercoaster ride. When I meet with other volunteers a common questions is “where are you on the rollercoaster?”I think you are able to see that through my blogs. Last month I wanted to get off the ride. Now I’m shouting with my hands in the air ready for more.

Peace and Love

  

Me and Supy

My Biggest Fear

When I joined the Peace Corps I had many different expectations. I thought I would be working with the poorest of the poor, living in a hut made of mud and sticks, no running water, and let’s just say I never thought I would have the luxury of a flushing toilet. Emotionally, I thought that I would be dealing with the feelings of inadequacy of myself and contributions. I feared that I would never be able to give the people enough or what they deserved. I was prepared as I could be for everything above. I was ready to rough it. I was ready to be torn apart but only to build myself back up to another person. I was going to come out of this experience a new person.

So I am going to be honest, and I warn you it does not shine the best light on me. I think you will find my current state interesting and a different perspective; one I definitely never saw coming.

Impassion: My best semester in college was my internship. I was so passionate about teaching and my students. I dedicated all my time. I love it. Even when I did my practicum teaching in my training village I felt like I was on fire, I love every minute of it. When I first arrived at my site I was so excited to teach and bring new ideas and methods to the school. I was so excited to see the students each day. Since term two rolled around I feel like I just go through the motions every day. I still put in as much work as I did before however I think you could notice the decrease in my enthusiasm. I don’t want to do anything else that may be different because the next thing will be “what else can you do”.

Unappreciated: Now this culture is amazing and I receive more respect than imaginable. I don’t blame the people on why I feel this way. It’s part of their culture and a difference between ours and theirs. I guess this is part of a fear I had before coming here; the whole I would never be able to give the people enough. I feel that way but only because I am always asked for more. I would be okay if I was asked for help on lesson plans and teaching methods. But at times it’s “more things” that are wanted and are not realistic in the situation. I am finding out a lot of what I am capable of, but my main goal is to get the teachers to realize what they are capable of. I want people to want to do instead of me just doing.

            Unhappiness: This is something I have been working on and almost overcome. I knew I would be struggling and unhappy at times, but again not for the reasons I thought. Mainly I am unhappy for feeling the two things above. I hate that I feel that way. I also think that it stems from giving up yourself when you come here. When you arrive the village you want to be the perfect Peace Corps. You give up lots of parts of yourself to be culturally appropriate. There is a fine line though, can’t forget who you are.

Burnt Out: This is a correlation of all the words above. It’s just discouraging considering I am only 9 months in.

            As a volunteer we have specific goals. No volunteer is in their site to find a way to get a bunch of money. Ultimately we work with counterparts and an organization and teach those ways to receive aid, set realistic goals, and run a successful and effective program. We need the groups of people we work with to be sustainable on their own once we leave. It’s a tough battle especially when the people you work with may have different ideas, goals and priorities. For example; I think desks for student might be more important than VIP toilets.

What feeling does almost every Peace Corps dread the most?

            Wanting to go home

How do I cope with this?

Focus. I went back and rewrote my goals for my term here. You have to take the pressure of yourself. Big or small; a change is a change. I am finding my way back to a balance. I do things that I need for me. This experience is such a selfless sacrifice but you are useless if you’re unhappy. Remember the past and planning for the future can be exhausting. You can’t compare this time to what was and what will be. You will only find yourself in a situation of missing and wanting.

Even though I have been feeling like I want to go home I know it’s not a option for me. Everything I have been going through is all part of the journey. I knew that I was signing up for a two year commitment. But I get it; I see the reason why so many people go back.

So here it is… my biggest fear. When all is said and done…

Did I give up my happiness to stay instead of giving up my pride to go home?

Peace and Love

No worries mate...too easy

Australia

            Sitting on the flight to Sydney

“Enjoy your holiday?” – some random Australian asks me

“I am actually going on my holiday now” Followed by the explanation of what I was doing in Samoa.

Its always amusing when someone asks you how long you have been in Samoa or planning to stay. But this post is not about Samoa!

Australia was amazing. Landing in Sydney I had butterflies in my stomach and tears rolling down my cheeks. It reminded me so much of America. I walked slowly towards the baggage claim looking at the different stores and restaurants. Traveling on a Peace Corps budget helped me to restrain myself from going on a shopping spree…just in the airport I know!

Once I had all my belongings I walked outside, my body got confused “where in the world have you taken me”. The cold dry air, was pretty much the opposite of Samoa. My skin immediately dried up and my toes were looking forward to closed shoes. On my way to the hotel I just starred out the window in shock, feeling like a child who just arrived to America for the first time.

It was so good to see Colleen and Summer, they greeted me with cupcakes. Our agenda started as soon as I put my bags in the room. First was a bike tour around Sydney, which was an amazing way to see the city. We looked around some  different stores and had a lovely dinner. The next day we breakfast with a Koala and a walk around the local Zoo. Then we headed up to the Blue Mountains, beautiful scenery and quaint little towns. We saved the best for last, the Sydney Bridge Climb. We were able to have the most amazing views of the city, and cheers to Colleen who conquered her fear of heights!!! And to all you seniors who are reading this, we had a women celebrating her 80^th birthday who joined us the bridge climb! A more extreme but awesome alternative to watching soaps all day wouldn’t you say?

The next part of our trip was The Outback (and for all those who are wondering, no I did not go to a outback steakhouse while I was there), a definite change of scenery from Sydney. It was a scenic place. Cold mornings and nights and breezy afternoons. We saw Uluru (large red rock) and learned about native people whom they do not call Aboriginals, but I can’t find my paper to tell you what they do call them (sorry). We did a Camel ride into the sunset and woke up early one morning to see an Outback sunrise, we may or may not have been freezing our butts off to enjoy it. We had a afternoon BBq where we tried Kangaroo, it tastes like steak, and learned about the stars.

Our final destination was Cairnes (pronounced Cans as we were told). I felt like I was back in Samoa a little bit. The jungle and the coast was similar. The people, food and accommodations were slightly different. We took a train ride through the jungle and the a sky rail over the mountains. We went to a cultural center where we learned more about the Aboriginal people and saw some of their native dances and music. We were also given the opportunity to throw a boomerang. The last day in Cairnes we went to the Great Barrier Reef. One of my favorite parts of the trip! It was so colorful and the picture I have below do not do the reef justice but you can get a idea.

Okay now, a major event happened on the boat ride out to the reef and I must talk about it. You know when you’re young and your parents won’t let you do certain things and they say “one day you will understand” or “you just wait until you have kids…”. Whatever the issue might be, you don’t believe them and think their horrible parents for not letting you do what you want. Listen to your parents kids they know all.

So there was a group of maybe 40 or 50 girls on the boat. If they were blondes, it was an awful dye job showing black roots, and more like white not blonde. When I looked at their makeup I thought maybe they might be going to prom. And then there were the clothes, the “booty” shorts if you will. Most of these girls were attractive, but then they walk past you and you see them from behind, and see their actual behind hanging out of the shorts. Come to find out that these girls were from a beauty school. Go figure….

Thank you Mom and Dad for not letting me wear makeup and even when I was allowed, keeping it limited. Thank you for not letting me dye my hair. Thank you for not letting me walk out of the house looking like as Grammy would put it, a coodavee.

And last but not least….I finally understand why my Dad got so frustrated when we were on trips and we would be on our cell phones constantly or wanting to watch TV or play video games.  All these teenagers were on this boat like the view was something they see every day. Their eyes, glued to their Iphones the entire time.

So parents don’t worry your time will come when you can turn to your child and say, I told you so.

All and all it was an amazing trip, can’t wait to go back some day.

Enjoy the pictures…

Peace and Love

Can you find the Koala?

This guy was so hungry he wanted to eat my camera

Three Sisters...in the Blue Ridge Mountains

Blue Ridge

Sydney Bridge at night

Me and my Camel riding in the Outback

Uluru at Sunset

Sunset in the Outback

Uluru

Train ride in Cairns

Cultural Center

Me Summer and Colleen

Great Barrier Reef

Peace Love Australia <3

The Honeymoon is over...

June 11 2011

            I was riding on the bus the other day, one of my favorite things to do (if it’s not crowded), and I was looking out the window. Sometimes, well most of the time now, I forget how beautiful this place is. It’s not until I am alone on the bus looking out the window that I realize where I am and how gorgeous it is. The coast is one of the things that can make me feel better on a bad day, but it can also make me feel claustrophobic realizing how small the piece of land I am on is compared to the ocean surrounding it. There is nowhere to go…

            The honeymoon in paradise is over. There is a reason why Peace Corps are here. We are lucky not to have the threat of infectious diseases or for the most part criminal activity. The fear for me is the effect I have on the school, students and teachers and how well they will be able to sustain on their own. I know I am making in impact now, but part of our project is to leave the schools with the tools to maintain on their own once I leave. They are more than grateful for having me here. I don’t see the enthusiasm or motivation I would lik,e to learn new methods of teaching. I am not expecting to see results after only one term of teaching, but I can’t help the frustration. The last three weeks of school are super slow. Some teachers are giving exams; some are planning them so the students are doing nothing. It feels like there is meetings everyday which causes school to end early. I gave my English exam to my year 7 class. No one got a zero, which is an improvement, but I was a little disappointed in myself because it wasn’t the results I thought. I confided with another teacher, here response “I’m hungry”. Many of my conversations during a school day consist of the following….

Fia ai?= want to eat?

Fia moi?= want to sleep?

You go to salelologa?

The constant feeling of fia moi is because they are always “aiing”(eating, aiing is not a real word). I would also like to challenge the guy who does Man vs. Food to come here and have one of our lunches. Ten pounds later I am done being culturally sensitive with the food aspect of this culture. My host parents worry about me now because of my new portion size at dinner and my teachers are ecstatic because it means more food for them. Those of you who had this picture of all these fresh fruits and vegetables every day, well I wish. I guess it comes down to priorities in a sense. Many teachers feel that their daily mood over rides the students education. Lots of work to do, but it’s a good thing that we are here. There is so much potential for education, the schools just need a kick in the ass to wake them up.

Looking forward to the three week break. My group has a conference for the first half, then the second half its off to Australia with Colleen and Summer!

Peace and Love

Pa and Sarai on her 6th Birthday

Ma and Sarai

The Family all together

Flat Rosemary

Kids during Pese (singing) practice

typical breakfast for one....

Soccer Champs!

What is that Smell?

I was cleaning out my refrigerator one day and it was awful because the smell that was coming from it was horrid. I wasn’t sure what it could have been. All that was in there was bottle water, chocolate and some apples and oranges. I bleached the crap out of the inside and scrubbed away all the gunk. When I finished I stood up to wipe the sweat of my face with my shirt sleeve and then realized the smell was not from the refrigerator….

            It is a very special smell. It’s like a mixture of sour milk, sweat, and mildew. It’s the peace corps Samoa fragrance. We all have it, and we are all used to it. I have yet to find a cure for the odor. I wash my clothes with quality soap and I am even using softener. Never fails though, after about two hours in a t-shirt it starts to creep up on ya. Then it finally takes over and the worst part is, you become immune to it and the smell become tolerable. Changing would be ridiculous because the smell would undoubtedly find its way to the new shirt as well.

            Moral of the story is thank your washing machines, air conditioning and febreez…show them a little love people.

Until next time….still smelly in Samoa

Peace and Love